UPDATE: Here are the survey results as of noon, 1/21/10 (omitting the percentages of those who chose to skip the question):
Can a houseplant die of loneliness?
- 52 (72%) said Yes
- 11 (15%) said No
- 9 (13%) said What?
Do you see twelve different things through the eyes of twelve different needles?
- 35 (49%) said Yes
- 20 (28%) said No
- 20 (28%) said How did you know?
If mornings came with printed instructions, would anyone read them?
- 24 (34%) said Yes
- 30 (43%) said No
- 16 (23%) said All readings are misreadings
Have you ever torn all the paper from a spiral notebook, page by page, just to get an unobstructed look at the spiral?
- 16 (23%) said Yes
- 38 (54%) said No
- 17 (24%) said None of your beeswax
Will this be the year they start using prisons for captive breeding programs?
- 8 (11%) said Yes
- 28 (40%) said No
- 34 (49%) said Why? Lord knows, it’s not like prisoners are an endangered species
Wouldn’t a truly self-adhesive tape collapse like a star into a black hole?
- 20 (29%) said Yes
- 9 (13%) said No
- 41 (59%) said That’s setting a pretty high standard for adhesiveness, don’t you think?
Do you find it harder to think in a room where you can’t touch the ceiling?
- 10 (14%) said Yes
- 49 (71%) said No
- 10 (14%) said They don’t pay me enough to think
With our fondness for clichés, don’t we risk making the perfect storm the enemy of the good storm?
- 30 (43%) said Yes
- 6 (9%) said No
- 33 (48%) said Bad weather is better than no weather at all
If your name was Fritz Zwicky, wouldn’t you also prefer to be known as the Father of Dark Matter?
- 41 (60%) said Yes
- 13 (19%) said No
- 14 (21%) said Maybe, but I’m not sure I look good with a flying V guitar
If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?
- 8 (12%) said Yes
- 53 (77%) said No
- 8 (12%) said Only if I didn’t have to change my underwear
Note: Since this survey was open to all comers and not administered in a random fashion, the results are scientifically worthless. However, that doesn’t matter too much, since it was really a “push poll” for the Dadaist Party. Ketchup for Shah! U.S. out of North America! Etc.